Did you give it up yet?
Give up what yet? Alcohol? Gluten? Sugar? Self-doubt? Emotional wounding? Ummm…
The voice persists: Did you give it up yet?
I don’t actually know if I’m supposed to come up with a final answer to this question. Is the real heart of this exercise that the voice wants me to simply stop and ponder what things I have been inviting in in excess, and reimagine new ways to be in relationship with them?
Distractions. I was doing a lot of manifesting prior to the New Year around finding a teacher, and now I have an ample supply of wonderful teaching resources at my fingertips. Resources for unpacking my own white supremacy, for manifesting prosperous change, centering my intentions for 2019, how to build my business, etc. Problem is, I haven’t been able to focus and use them all because I have been letting myself get distracted by thinking that I need even more teaching resources, so I just keep seeking and gathering instead of tending more deeply to the resources I already sought out with careful thought and intention. It is time to give up the search for more teachers, and soak in what is already here for me. That much I know.
So, okay, I will hit pause on the teacher hunt for now, and dive into the work that I’ve already received.
Did you give it up yet?
Hmmm…what else? Is this question actually a distraction from focus? Is it helpful to allow this question to persist without first making a list of what I would like to invite in? Any good witch knows that if you intend to return any energies to Source that there should be a proportional amount of beneficial energies to receive. I feel like I might be going in a circle now.
Okay, so if the teaching resources I have already gathered are what I am receiving, or taking in, then the distractions are what I need to purge.
Make yourself a ward to guard against distraction.
Ooh, yeah, that hits a nerve. There is definitely a part of me that does not want to give up the distraction, because then I’d really have to try, and if I really try, then I could really fail.
And then there is the part of me that likes to get to work, and really wants to try, and enjoys working past the challenges I put in my own way. This part of me is excited to summon forth my ward: a big, shiny black spider that crawls over my distraction devices, reminding me that it’s time to get back to work…there is your beautiful web to weave, dear Tyler. Follow me.
The power of my spider ward fills me with respect for her power as well as an frozen fear of her deft prowess and skill. She is indifferent to fear. She recognizes fear, knows it by it’s name, and she proceeds regardless.
Do you have a ward? Is it an animal like mine? My spider ward first came to me in a dream about 7 years ago. I had always been afraid of spiders when I was younger. She has taught me many lessons since that first appearance. It is always the bitter shadow self medicine that I need to accept in order to get at the wisdom of my deeper self. She teaches me over and over again to have respect for my fears, as well as the methods necessary to weave along in spite of them.
In honor of her, I make space for the speckled brown garden spiders in the corner of our kitchen window, and various other nooks and crannies in our home. The spider in our kitchen window recently molted her entire shell. It remains intact at the base of the window sill near our sink as a reminder to me that I too can shed my shell. That I must shed my shell.
This reminds me: It is a Full Supermoon today, a teaching moon, a moon for letting go of things that no longer serve, and for taking in the bitter medicine that will nourish self and community over the months to follow. We are getting closer every day to Ostara, or the Vernal Equinox. A day when the light and dark are equally distributed, it marks the victorious march forward for light. For now, we have some more darkness to sit with, but we also have this moon tonight to remind us to take some time to sit with the lessons we’ve already asked to receive. Hold their wisdom in your heart, and shed the shell that no longer serves.